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I just rarely hearย anyoneย admitting that the actual sensation of p-in-the-v can be kind of meh. And since only 25% of women consistently orgasm during vaginal intercourse, I have to believe I’m not the only one who feels that way. Nobody else imagined something way awesomer before they had sex for the first time?

This post, and all of it’s comments, is really interesting. I tried to have this exact conversation with a couple of friends a few weeks ago and it went very much pear-shaped very, very fast. Given the 25% stat, it’s really interesting how difficult a conversation this is, and exactly how challenging it is to accept. The whole penis-in-vag thing (OMG AMAZING ALWAYS) seems to be a bloody cultural lynchpin.ย 

I started a conversation simply saying I felt that we needed a better metaphor, as a culture, than the penetrated female body and the penetrative male body as the hallmark of what we mean when we talk about sex. I think it is restrictive and not very creative. I think it locks too many people into a very scripted experience that doesn’t necessarily bear much resemblance to what they personally find pleasurable or satisfying. I have known a number ofย men who don’t find this particular act the most pleasurable, let alone all the women I’ve met who don’t. So why do we keep it as the cornerstone of human sexuality? (If you say “biology” I will give you serious side-eye.) I think it’s a useful and important conversation, but boy. Those comments degenerate pretty damn quickly.

Still. Interesting. I’m hoping that by having these conversations I will eventually learn the language required to have this conversation in a successful manner. Not there yet. Not even close.