Everyone got so mad at me for suggesting that penis-in-vagina maybe doesn't feel that great

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I just rarely hear anyone admitting that the actual sensation of p-in-the-v can be kind of meh. And since only 25% of women consistently orgasm during vaginal intercourse, I have to believe I’m not the only one who feels that way. Nobody else imagined something way awesomer before they had sex for the first time?

This post, and all of it’s comments, is really interesting. I tried to have this exact conversation with a couple of friends a few weeks ago and it went very much pear-shaped very, very fast. Given the 25% stat, it’s really interesting how difficult a conversation this is, and exactly how challenging it is to accept. The whole penis-in-vag thing (OMG AMAZING ALWAYS) seems to be a bloody cultural lynchpin. 

I started a conversation simply saying I felt that we needed a better metaphor, as a culture, than the penetrated female body and the penetrative male body as the hallmark of what we mean when we talk about sex. I think it is restrictive and not very creative. I think it locks too many people into a very scripted experience that doesn’t necessarily bear much resemblance to what they personally find pleasurable or satisfying. I have known a number of men who don’t find this particular act the most pleasurable, let alone all the women I’ve met who don’t. So why do we keep it as the cornerstone of human sexuality? (If you say “biology” I will give you serious side-eye.) I think it’s a useful and important conversation, but boy. Those comments degenerate pretty damn quickly.

Still. Interesting. I’m hoping that by having these conversations I will eventually learn the language required to have this conversation in a successful manner. Not there yet. Not even close.

124 Notes/ Hide

  1. fanofasymmetry reblogged this from ivyblossom and added:
    YES.
  2. eclaireevans reblogged this from ivyblossom and added:
    Interesting point. The actual sensation isn’t really the point, though is it? It’s the closeness.
  3. sirtwigbelly reblogged this from do-you-have-a-flag
  4. boredwithinsanity reblogged this from agayofgays
  5. serissime said: I have actually defaulted to “I don’t like penetrative sex” if I don’t want to embark on a long journey of difficult explaining and frustrating experimentation. Being gay is helpful here but it’s really nice to read something like this…
  6. agates-link reblogged this from ivyblossom
  7. fridafrag reblogged this from ivyblossom and added:
    It’s odd, isn’t it, that we can easily have conversation about how the characters we write in M/M slash fanfiction might...
  8. thetimesinbetween reblogged this from goodmanofmine and added:
    Now with more statistics and commentary!
  9. mojoflower reblogged this from trashyfiction and added:
    Hee hee. The post was hilarious. Go girl! I didn’t read the comments, so I dunno about that. I do think that actual sex...
  10. homosociallyyours reblogged this from ivyblossom
  11. trashyfiction reblogged this from ivyblossom
  12. contempgirl reblogged this from do-you-have-a-flag and added:
    Sexuality is still framed as mostly for reproduction which is rather hetero-normative and ignores the reality of...
  13. lbmisscharlie reblogged this from ivyblossom and added:
    I really, really like the comments on this article, and have been trying to articulate (without too, too much tmi) my...
  14. gothiccomedian reblogged this from do-you-have-a-flag
  15. ayantiel reblogged this from do-you-have-a-flag
  16. jennybot221 reblogged this from ivyblossom
  17. cheryltunt reblogged this from shamyam and added:
    Not everyone has penetrative sex or even has a penis involved in the bedroom. I think it’s fucked up that a lot of...